Trimming the Tree
by Aoi Umi Opallene
Summary: It's Christmas time in the Yuki-Shindou household! Enthusiasm clashes with...complete lack of enthusiasm. Maybe there's one decoration the two can agree upon? One-shot.


Trimming the Tree

By Aoi-Umi

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A/N: This is just a holiday one-shot I felt compelled to write. It's composed entirely of dialogue and sound effects, and intended to read somewhat like an audio drama. Merry Christmas, and enjoy! n-n

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"Will you _quit._"

"Quit what?"

"That noise."

"What noise?"

"That annoying noise."

"This one?" _Jingle jingle._

"Yes, that one."

_Jingle._

"STOP it."

_Jingle jingle jingle jingle jingle—_

"Stop it or I'll take the goddamn ribbon that thing's on and pull tight enough to make you forget what breathing is like!"

"Oh, Yuki, who needs breathing when—_ghhachkk!_"

_Jingle bounce roll roll roll stop._

"Yuki--!! (Gasp)"

"I wasn't kidding."

"(_Gasp pant pant pant_) Yuki, you really don't have any holiday spirit, do you?"

Ah, Christmas. That magical time of year shared the world over by friends, families, cats, dogs, spiders in those invisible holes in the wall, and...of course, lovers.

"Listen, do you want to get this tree set up or not?"

"Yes..."

"Then shut up, stop jingling that stupid, godforsaken bell, and hand me that string of lights so we can get this over with."

"Yukiii! It's not supposed to be something you just do and then it's over! It's supposed to be a _fun experience_..."

"Like sex?"

"Yuki! I'm serious! I wanna decorate the tree and I want it to be fun! How can it be fun when you keep complaining every two seconds? It's not like it's painful or anything."

"Ahem...if you'll listen to yourself... "

"_Yuki!_"

"All right, all right. Hand me that string of lights and I'll humor you by _pretending to have fun_ as I laboriously weave it into those prickly branches all the way up to the top of the tree, only to find out afterwards that one of the bulbs is broken and the whole string is worthless."

"Check the string first, _duh_."

"...Yes, _Sir_, Mr. Christmas Tree Authoritative."

"I'll get the garland."

"Fine. You do that."

"And the ornaments."

"Yep."

"And the stockings."

"Whatever."

"...And the..._mistletoe_."

"Can't you see I'm busy? Just go get the stuff already!"

"Hai hai haiii...." _Giggle. Scamper scamper._

"Ugh...why did you insist on this whole stupid _tree thing_? Ouch!"

"Because..." _Rummage rummage._ "It's _tradition._"

"Not for me. Christmas is just food and annoyances as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, you and I are _definitely_ having a nice Christmas together this year, Yuki."

"Why does 'nice' involve dead, prickly trees?"

"Just wait, Yuki. It'll look beautiful. My parents got new ornaments and stuff this year..." (_rummage_) "...so they let me take these old ones. They're really pretty, though."

_Glance._ "....If I nod and agree, will _you_ string the lights for awhile?"

"I can't. I don't want to scratch my hands..." (_giggle_) "...with my delicate complexion."

"Well, what about me? What if my hands get scratched so much that I can't type anymore, and then I lose my job?"

"........"

"...That means you wouldn't get any presents."

"...I don't care. The best present would be that you would _always_ be around for me to snuggle and glomp, and you would have no excuse to shut yourself in a room with a computer anymore!" _Grin._

"Oh, nobody's losing their job...just shut up and tell me if these lights look okay."

"They look great!"

"Good. I'm done."

_Rustle rustle. _"Isn't this garland shiny? Look at me! I'm a Christmas tree!"

"What the heck are you—"

_Trip-crash._ "Owowowow...........oops."

"Idiot! You almost knocked the tree over. Put the garland on the _tree_ where it belongs."

"I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_ already."

"Here, let's hurry this up. You take that end and I'll take this end, and we'll wrap it around the stupid tree."

"...And then we'll meet in the middle and kiss like the dogs on that Disney movie!"

"...What? You moron. It won't work that way."

_Rustle rustle. Nudge nudge._

"What are you doing? Will you get _out_ of my way?"

"Kiss me, Yuki."

"No."

"Okay, hold me, then."

"What? I thought you wanted to do this stupid tree decorating thing. How can I decorate the tree when you're blocking it from me?"

"Waahh! Yuki loves the tree more than he loves me!"

"(_Sigh..._) You are so freakin' impossible."

"I know; isn't it great?" _Grin._

"The amount of your prospective Christmas gifts is diminishing by the moment."

"So you _are_ going to get gifts for me?"

"I _was._"

"Aww! Yuki, you're so sweet."

"Sweet has nothing to do with it. It's obligatory. If you don't get gifts for people, they think you're a reclusive asshole and completely ignore you....Wait...maybe that would be a good thing once in awhile..."

"Haha; I thought they already thought that..."

"Shut up. When I said 'people,' I meant _you._"

"I _do_ think you're a reclusive asshole...but you're _mine_ and I _love_ you."

"What a touching sentiment."

"I'm _serious_!"

"Then..._ow_! Goddammit, if you love me, then why are you stepping on my feet with your shoes on? Why are you even wearing your shoes in the house??"

"Oops. I'm sorry, Yuki! Really! I forgot to take them off. I'll go take them off right now; I..._whoa_!" _Crash._

"Great. There go half the ornaments."

"Not half! Um...maybe a third...but in any case, it's alright! We have more...um...I'll go get the vacuum cleaner."

"Yes, do, and see that you make it back quickly before you break anything else."

"Right." _Scamper scamper scamper scamper scamper creeeak thump wheel wheel wheel wheel._

_Vrrrrmmmmm....._

"There! Now let's hang up the ornaments...that are...not...broken. Heh..."

"Indeed; let's."

_Chink...clink..._

"There. It's done."

"Yuki! You have no sense of aesthetics at all! You can't just hang all the red ones next to each other."

"I'm surprised you even know that word."

"What? 'Red'? You learn that word in kindergarten."

"Not 'red,' idiot. 'Aesthetics.' Since when do you appreciate 'aesthetics'?"

"Since I decided that we're gonna have the best Christmas tree ever! Why don't you care at all, Yuki?"

"It's a frickin' _tree_. So you're supposed to hang ornaments on it. The ornaments are hung. The end."

"Actually, we still have to put the star on top."

"Go ahead. It's a one-man job, right? I'm going to go and eat some of those cookies my sister insisted on sending."

"Don't eat all of them! I want some, too!"

"Hey, they were addressed to _me._ You're lucky I'm sharing them at all."

"Scrooge."

"Wow...a large word _and_ a literary reference all in one day. I'm impressed."

"Whatever. Just bring the cookies in here, 'cuz I'm hungry, too."

_Step step step step rustle clink turn step step step step. Munch munch._

"Nggh! Yuki, I can't reach high enough to put the star on top. I mean, I've almost got it, but it's crooked."

"That's what you get for getting such a tall tree."

"I mean, will you help me? Please?"

"Now why would I do that? How would helping you place a plastic object on top of an idiotic tree be preferable to sitting here and eating cookies?"

"Oh, come on! Stop being so selfish."

"Fine. If you promise this is the last thing."

"It is."

"Good." _Step step step._

"Whaa--? What are you doing, Yuki?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Nggh - don't (_giggle_) drop me, Yuki! Haha, that tickles!"

"Where? Right...here?"

"Yes! Yes! Sto—stop it! Eeyaahahhaaaha...! (_gasp_)"

"Have you fixed that star thing yet?"

"N-no! (_giggle_)...I...haven't—ahahahaha!"

"Well, hurry up, then. You're not exactly a feather, you know."

"That-That's not...fair! (_gasp_) Stop...stop...tickling me first!"

"Me? Tickling you? That's absurd. Now hurry up."

"Yukiiiiiiii!!!!" _Kick kick!_ "St-stooooooooppppppp!!!!"

"Ow. I thought you were going to take your shoes off."

"Yuuu—(_gasp_)—kiiiiiiii!!! HAhaha!! I'm dyiiiinnngg!!"

"Well, then. At least you're dying with a smile."

"Nnnooooo, Yuki – I don't want to die! Wh-whoaa..."

_Bump tip wobble wobble......Crash._

_Blink blink._ "Ow."

"(_Gasp pant pant_) Yuki...the tree...it...got....knocked over."

"So, all that fuss was for nothing. Predictable."

"Now we'll have to set it up all over again."

"Hell no. You're on your own. Now get off of me and let me up."

"Yuki...you're not....(_giggle_) going anywhere. Look up." _Wave wave._

"Is that mistletoe? Where did you get that?"

"You weren't paying attention, were you?"

"Can't say I completely was, no."

_Smooch._ "Merry Christmas, Yuki." _Kiss._ "Mmmm..."

"Yeah, yeah...Merry Christmas, Shuichi. This I can take. Hmm...where else are you ticklish?"

THE END


End file.
